Comments on: Scoop Essentials: Coping With A Diagnosis http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/03/09/coping-with-diagnosis/2454/ Developmental Disability News Sat, 11 Feb 2012 00:55:30 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: hapaauwe http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/03/09/coping-with-diagnosis/2454/comment-page-1/#comment-154 hapaauwe Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:11:31 +0000 http://www.disabilityscoop.com/?p=2454#comment-154 I have to agree with eloebeth here. The reverse was certainly true for my husband and I. His way of dealing has largely been in immersing himself in work and routine. It is I that has been immersed in researching her condition and looking for supports, alternative treatments, therapies, connections with other families dealing with the same diagnosis. I also work for my state's parent to parent group and I would say that most of the families I have worked with have had the reverse (from what you describe) roles of mother and father. That is not to say that some father's don't take the research and advocacy role right from the start and keep going with it...but it sure does seem in my experience that it is a lot more common for the mother's to take this role. I can not count the conversations I have had with Mom's that say that their husband handles the diagnosis differently than they do. In the end, I just don't think that it would be accurate to say "Whereas many of the husbands or fathers of the child will get very busy learning what can be learned about the condition so that they can take control and feel like they’re doing something to help the child." My experience would indicate the opposite. Thanks for giving us so much to think about though...many of the other aspects of this article seem to be pretty dead on. I have to agree with eloebeth here. The reverse was certainly true for my husband and I. His way of dealing has largely been in immersing himself in work and routine. It is I that has been immersed in researching her condition and looking for supports, alternative treatments, therapies, connections with other families dealing with the same diagnosis. I also work for my state’s parent to parent group and I would say that most of the families I have worked with have had the reverse (from what you describe) roles of mother and father. That is not to say that some father’s don’t take the research and advocacy role right from the start and keep going with it…but it sure does seem in my experience that it is a lot more common for the mother’s to take this role. I can not count the conversations I have had with Mom’s that say that their husband handles the diagnosis differently than they do. In the end, I just don’t think that it would be accurate to say “Whereas many of the husbands or fathers of the child will get very busy learning what can be learned about the condition so that they can take control and feel like they’re doing something to help the child.” My experience would indicate the opposite.

Thanks for giving us so much to think about though…many of the other aspects of this article seem to be pretty dead on.

]]> By: eloebeth http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/03/09/coping-with-diagnosis/2454/comment-page-1/#comment-151 eloebeth Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:46:02 +0000 http://www.disabilityscoop.com/?p=2454#comment-151 I am having a very strong negative reaction to your comments about how mothers and fathers react differently to the diagnosis of their child with a disability. Sometimes true, but you did not allow for variety. In my family's case, a birth defect was immediately recognizable, and the parental reactions were very different. My husband was overwhelmed with his role as the primary wage earner and insurance provider, so he concentrated on being indispensable at work. Therefore he was not very involved in the day to day intricacies of the disability and its effect on our child and our family. As the mother and primary caregiver, I had only a brief time (overnight) to give in to grief and sadness. I had to dive into the details of care, researching the condition, and making decisions. I worked in parent training for 17 years, and I find my experience to be much more usual than what you described. Usually it is the mother who is best educated about the disability, the care routines, and in advocating for the child. I am having a very strong negative reaction to your comments about how mothers and fathers react differently to the diagnosis of their child with a disability. Sometimes true, but you did not allow for variety. In my family’s case, a birth defect was immediately recognizable, and the parental reactions were very different.

My husband was overwhelmed with his role as the primary wage earner and insurance provider, so he concentrated on being indispensable at work. Therefore he was not very involved in the day to day intricacies of the disability and its effect on our child and our family.

As the mother and primary caregiver, I had only a brief time (overnight) to give in to grief and sadness. I had to dive into the details of care, researching the condition, and making decisions.

I worked in parent training for 17 years, and I find my experience to be much more usual than what you described. Usually it is the mother who is best educated about the disability, the care routines, and in advocating for the child.

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