Comments on: Autism Moms Have Stress Similar To Combat Soldiers

By: VerbalFlax

VerbalFlax — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:06:10 +0000

Here’s an idea for follow-up piece:

Pentagon Investigates Autism-Dad Invisibility Phenomenon for Combat-Soldier Protection

The Pentagon reported today that the Disposable Dads Advanced Research Projects Agency (D-DARPA) has awarded a major new research contract to a subsidiary of the J. M cCarthy Innovative Science for the HOmeland Territory, also known by its acronym JMcCarthy IS HOT. JM IS HOT will be investigating potential new applications of the now well-established principle that hot moms with autistic kids are 300x more effective at overshadowing the tireless and thankless work of fathers in favor of the equally demanding work of mothers.

“We think this is an important phenomenon, because this ability to be continuously succeed at being totally dismissive of dad’s has been amazingly resilient even in the face of mountains of evidence that the stresses on dads is equally severe. These Autism Dads continue to be resilient in carrying out their duties as a parent, to a degree that requires an unusual level of tenacity given biological anthropological imperatives of the male to diversify their procreation base,” said the Pentagon spokesperson. “To us, it makes no sense– their contributions are largely ignored and unsupported, and yet they continue to perform, becoming even more invisible the harder they work. We think this could have some applications for protecting our combat soldiers in the field.”

By: Norma

Norma — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 16:20:39 +0000

What is the hormone?? This is a good story, but not a surprise. I’m entering menopause early because of the stress and constant sleep deprivation. I am not complaining – but it has definitely impacted my body in a major way, and my doc is checking hormone levels (among other things). We’re looking into bio-identical hormone replacement (low level) supplements to help me feel better. There’s more information to be had…there may be options for moms, especially those in their 40s and older, to help them care for themselves a little better. AND – yes, autism dads rock! My husband is fiercely dedicated to our son and extremely involved 24/7.

By: Fran Basche

Fran Basche — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:58:47 +0000

I am sure in fact that they only picked mothers, and not necessarily single mothers, because they needed enough of a sample size of one type of person. Wouldn’t work from a research standpoint to have six mothers and two fathers.

Fathers often don’t volunteer as much for these kind of studies. That said, they could try to find eight fathers with significant caregiver time of their child to compare it to the mothers.

My ex is a wonderful and totally involved father of our child with Autism, but I know many other divorced (and still married) fathers who are not. There are some mothers who are not involved too, but for the most part, my experience has been meeting women whose ex’s spend much less (or barely any, or none at all) time taking care of their child with Autism.

By: sally

sally — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:15:16 +0000

My husband of 33 years as stood by my side and I would like to thank him for loving our son who is now 29 as much as I do. We have done a good job and have a happy family. We have had our day to day challenges, but we have also been there for each other.

By: Aysha

Aysha — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:04:00 +0000

Ok just reading all of the above quotes and I believe we are reading to much into this. I am a parent of a 13 year daughter with down syndrome and autism. All the challenges we face on a daily basis is hard work. I am fortunate to have a loving husband who is the step father of my daughters.He takes pride in learning and understanding the challenges that I faced before he entered our lives and I must say he does a damn good job on understanding and learning the day to day challenges. So this goes out to both mothers and fathers keep doing what you are doing and advocate for our children because if we don’t who will.

By: dougs

dougs — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:38:36 +0000

As a father of a child with autism, I think this article is spot on. What I find most stressful (given that I work and my wife stays home as the caregiver) is that I have to learn to live with my wife’s emotional roller coaster ride resulting from her stress. It’s a different kind of stress for me and I often have to bottle it in as my major role is of support. I’ve long given up any social life and have inentionally shyed away from jobs that require travel or long/odd hours. I need to be home as much as possible.

By: singlemom

singlemom — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:08:28 +0000

I fully agree with the posters’ comments about dads being considered in a study such as this. However, I am assuming that a key part of this study was ommitted: that they researched *single parents* and thank God they did! Not to belittle the pain that couples go through, being a single parent of a special needs child is a totally different animal. There is no partner on which to rely on or trade out responsibilities. Here in Texas, there is a twelve year waiting list for *any* supported services, and that includes respite. There are relatively few support groups that meet the needs of single parents; for example, our one and only *local* AU support group meets at 7:30 p.m. My son *must* be heading towards bed at 7:30 – 8:00 p.m. Therefore, I cannot *tag team* to attend the support\informational meeting. My son was (wrongly) expelled from his last school multiple times this school year, and I was the sole person available to take time off of work to stay home with him. Whenever my son’s *father* is called to active duty in the reserves, we lose our child support for months thanks to a bureaucratic snafu. *I* absorb that hit, in addition to balancing the daily stresses of negotiating AU.

While I’m very glad that attention is being paid to the tolls placed upon parents of special needs kids (esp. AU), I *really* wish more attention and services would be directed to sole caregivers of AU\special needs kids.

By: Marc

Marc — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:36:10 +0000

Mary, Let me be your first husband who has “sacrificed” his career to be a full time team member with my wife in raising our son. Yes, I do go to school meetings, vocational planning meetings, doctor’s appointments and have stayed overnight in the hospital several times. I worry and plan for the future. My wife and I are in this together, I rely on her and she relies on me. There is no primary care giver in our team. We are just two loving parents who will sacrifice everything to provide for our child. Are we unusual? I certainly hope not.

Marc
(Very happyily married for 28 years)

By: Coffeecake

Coffeecake — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:31:26 +0000

This is a very important article. I don’t believe that men are “left out”. I think that the writer meant, “caregiver parent”, but due to the fact that most often it is the mother, the writer just used “mother”. Of course the article pertains to whomever the parent caregiver is.

By: Blondie50

Blondie50 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:44:12 +0000

I agree with the above poster that talked about looking at both moms and dads. It takes a good team to deal with what we have in our homes.

Also, why not look at those of us, including myself, who have two young adults living in our homes who have developmental disabilities? Sometimes, my son with Down syndrome is more stressful, especially because of all of his medical problems. Sometimes my son with Classic Autism is more stressful such as when his one to one aide is changed at school.

We deserve combat pay! At least soldiers get to go home once in a while, and they had a choice to join the military. We continue to live it for years upon years with no end in sight and we did not necessarily choose this lifestyle. We need more supports that are reliable. For example, I am tired of having respite scheduled and it gets cancelled at the last minute, a new respite worker shows up with no training, or nobody shows up at all. Then I have to deal with two young adults who don’t understand why nobody is coming. Now, that’s stressful!