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What’s So Funny? Plenty For Parents Of Kids With Autism


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There’s nothing funny about autism.

Wait a minute. Yes there is — especially when Chris Long tells the “boob” story.

But let’s back up.

Earlier this month several Kansas City-area parents — coached by local comics — practiced routines about the humorous side of living with kids with autism. On Friday they’ll take the stage for real at the Mission Theatre in Mission, Kan. for the all-in-fun, over-21 autism fundraiser “An Evening With the ‘Rents,” (short for parents). The show benefits Camp Encourage, a local summer program for kids with autism.

As music played, Long walked to the mic in a lime-green hoodie. She told a story about visiting McDonald’s with her husband, Scott, and their 11-year-old son who has autism, Dakota. While Dakota doesn’t talk, Long explained, he does love to rub people’s skin.

“He’ll rub your arms or your back,” she said. “Any warm skin. He just loves it. So we’re at McDonald’s (Play Place) and he’s doing great. But pretty soon he starts rubbing this lady’s arm, and she’s turning redder and redder.

“It’s summertime, and she’s got this huge chest, and a very low-cut top. And he just reaches in and grabs this woman’s boob. And he just starts ruub-bin’ … and I don’t know what to do. I’m like, ‘Scott?’ And he’s like, ‘What? You want me to go grab the other one?’ “

The dozen or so people in the room exploded with laughter. A smiling Long took it all in.

“Note to self,” she seemed to be thinking. “The boob joke kills!”

Except it was more than just a joke. It’s was one of the many frustrating, and often humorous, realities parents have to deal with when living with a child on the spectrum.

Autism — known as a spectrum disorder — affects 1 in 88 people, and 1 in 54 boys. No two cases are exactly alike.

“People with autism just process the world a little differently,” said Keenan Stump, a therapist who works with kids with autism in their homes.

The disorder often impairs judgment over what’s socially acceptable.

Stump, 37, an adjunct professor at Rockhurst University in Kansas City, Mo., got the idea for the comedy night after hearing parents share funny stories at another fundraiser.

“By the end of the night my wife and I were in tears,” he said. “It’s absolutely cathartic.”

He persuaded a handful parents of children with autism to overcome their stage fright, and then got local comedians to help focus their material and hone their delivery.

“How many fundraisers do you go to that are a walk?” he said. “I don’t have anything against those, but it could be a lot more fun when people are swearing and drinking booze.”

The show’s headliner will be Lou Melgarejo, a Chicago blogger who won the 2011 “Speak Out” award from Autism Speaks, a national advocacy and awareness group. The yearly award honors those who go above and beyond in promoting the organization.

At rehearsal, as the next parent waited her turn, Stump grabbed the mic.

“All you have to worry about tonight, really, is just getting a feel for being up here, walk around, test it out, grab the microphone, pace if you want. … There are lights on, and people will be staring.”

“I’m really nervous right now,” said Olivia Cytrynowicz, a Hallmark greeting card editor whose 4-year-old, Otto, has autism. “I’ve coined a little phrase for how I feel. It’s called … pee-vomit. I could pee my pants or puke right now.

“But I figure this is the crowd I could probably do that in front of and it wouldn’t be too shocking, right?” (Some children with autism have gastrointestinal issues, and many have problems learning to relieve themselves appropriately, parents said.)

“OK. A little bit about myself. I grew up with a non-verbal autistic brother. His name is Roger. In a time when people really didn’t know what autism was … I’d say, ‘Don’t make fun of him. He’s autistic.’ And they’d say, ‘Artistic?’ No. No. No. Autistic. So now, being a mother of a 4-year-old son with autism, it is so gratifying to live in a time when people know what autism is, and we can get together and support each other in a night of love and laughter.”

“Here here!” someone shouted. “Yeah!”

“You know you’re an autism parent when you own cleaning products with names like Urine Destroyer,” she said. “It really works. I should know because my couch is coated in it.”

“You know you’re an autism parent when the school calls to let you know that your autistic child pushed another child over a toy, and you’re so so flippin’ excited that your kid initiated play with the other kid, you almost forget to ask if the other kid’s OK.”

After many laughs, she ended on a tender note.

“You know you’re an autism parent when it takes a lot to shock you or surprise you or freak you out. But it takes very little, like appropriate eye contact, an initiated conversation or an ‘I love you, Mom’ to melt your heart.”

Stump can hardly believe the improvement.

“To see these parents transform into comedians, instead of just a mom telling a story, is mind blowing,” he said. “The delivery, the timing, the little gestures. It’s like they’ve been doing it their whole lives.”

After parents performed, each consulted with a mentor — local comics Brady Goodman (a DJ on 99.7 FM the Point) and Steve Moser (a finalist on “Last Comic Standing”), who also will host the show.

“The area where I can (offer) the most help is a tiny bit of writing, stage awareness and mobility and what to do with the mic,” Goodman said. “They have so much material. I’m just trying to get them to a place where they’re comfortable.”

He knows they’re scared.

“It’s one thing to get up there and tell knock-knock jokes,” he said. “It’s quite another to share intimate family experiences and risk judgment. I give them so much credit.””

How will they do on show night?

“It’s possible we witness a microphone train wreck,” he said. “We’re living on the edge, here, and that’s what makes this so exciting. I just want them to know it’s not all about one-liners. Tell your story, and people will laugh along the way. Anyway you look at it, these parents are just giving such a gift to their community.”

Jennifer Smith of Gardner, Kan., the executive director of Autism Society — The Heartland, knows how much that means.

“I get daily calls from families, and I hear the desperation in their voices,” she said. “There is such a sadness when a family member is diagnosed. But there’s another side that doesn’t get shared. There are so many things that we laugh about. It’s not that we are making fun of our children. You have to have humor to survive.”

And, on cue …

“Take my (autistic) son,” she said, switching to comedian mode. “On Sunday he was running. And how many times have I said, ‘Don’t run in your socks! You’re going to fall’? And sure enough he hit the linoleum and — boom! Then he yelled, ‘My butt! My butt!’ And he’s a big boy. Six feet tall. And I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard. You just look at all these situations, and you can either cry or laugh. And I choose to laugh.”

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Comments (8 Responses)

  1. fairlady68 says:

    Not such funny reading for a person who is on the autism spectrum his/herself.

  2. Janet says:

    I am so cracking up here!
    My daughter saves her best stuff for church, and usually when she has a microphone in her hand.
    Such as when I introduced her to our new pastor and she immediately launched into a dirty joke.
    I was sooooo proud lol

  3. sue says:

    I agree that humour is cathartic. The tipping point is that you share laughter and not make fun of your child. This is my response to the author below. I am the mother of a son with aspberger’s. I tell many funny Patrick stories but I never put him down or wish he was different from who he is. I myself became disabled with severe fibromyalgia which now may be undiagnosed Lyme. I have written a stand-up routine. My son loves the stage and is great at improvisation. He had a whoe room of adults,laughing, he wants to become an actor and I believe he has allot of talent. We should step out from the shadow and have fun. Humor can address threatening issues in a non_threatening way.

  4. Holly says:

    I am laughing and crying all at the same time. Laughing because I’ve been there, and crying because I want to see an end to autism. It hurts emotionally, but I do find a lot of humor in all of my children, autism or not. Thanks for the laughter.

  5. dlmgraham says:

    I am crying after I laughed. Our lives are such rollercoasters when autism is a part of it. I would love to see this type of fundraiser spread across the country. It would be a wonderful evening out, but who am I kidding? When do the parents of an autistic child get out for a relaxing, fun-filled time away? As a matter of fact, I think it would be a great idea to sell DVD’s of the performances. Those of us who are unable to attend in person, could still help raise money for the cause. I, for one, would be willing to pay for it.

  6. Suzanne B. says:

    Fairlady68, thanks for pointing out that we do need to be sensitive to the person on the spectrum, who may not appreciate being the butt of the joke. I come from a family that approaches all of life’s challenges with humor, and I often include the unexpected things my 10yo son with ASD does in that. There are times when I have to explain to my son why I find something humorous about our interaction or what he has said or done. Included in that “explanation” are comments about how awesome his look on life is and how he has helped me understand the world in a different way. I hope that doesn’t sound like just another platitude…because I mean it with my full being. I am truly grateful for the many ways that my son’s experience of the world has opened my eyes. But humor has been a way for us to teach him about what’s expected or not expected in social interactions, with the goal that he will be able to make a personal decision when he’s older about how he prefers to be perceived by others. As long as he is kind and doesn’t put himself or others in dangerous positions, I’ll be happy with his choice.

    With all of that in mind, I think this “comedy night” is a wonderful idea. All of my ASD parent friends love their children deeply and without reservation. But one of the first things we do when we’re together is share the latest funny moments. It’s the same as parents of typically developing children who describe the silly moments of their toddlers or infuriating moments with their teens. The difference is that our kids aren’t doing the same funny things at the same ages. And sharing those moments help us say to each other “I get it” and “your friendship and your child are safe here.” We laugh WITH each other about parenting these amazing children. We don’t laugh AT the child for his/her difference.

  7. Donna Wood says:

    Oh, we need a sense of humour, both parents and those with ASD. I too, have a funny story about licking. When my son was about 3, he explored a lot of things by licking. We used to joke that he was like a kitten. One day in the supermarket, we were walking along near the freezer case and I was watching like a hawk, thinking he’d get his tongue frozen to a packet of food if I didn’t watch out. What I missed was a burly workman who came in to get an ice cream. So I didn’t notice that my son had knelt down to lick his very hairy feet which were in flip flop thongs. The guy shrieked, guess he thought it was an animal. Then he said we were crazy and I just calmly said “No, we’re autistic.” He got a laugh out of that.

  8. Callista says:

    I just hope they realize that they oughtn’t to make fun of us. We make fun of ourselves, sure; over at Wrong Planet there’s a “you know you’re Aspie if…” thread with a bunch of replies. You can’t take yourself too seriously. But when that kid grows up and everybody knows he once touched some random lady’s boobs… er… well, that’s going to be seriously embarrassing. If you’re going to joke about your kids, please, please don’t joke about things that’ll haunt them forever!!

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